You're reading a sentence and something feels off. Most people use these pronouns daily without realizing they're switching between two completely different jobs. That said, here's the thing: intensive and reflexive pronouns look identical. Practically speaking, they're the exact same words. "I myself did it" — wait, is that myself* doing heavy lifting or just showing up for emphasis? But they behave differently, and mixing them up makes your writing sound clunky at best, confusing at worst.
What Is an Intensive and Reflexive Pronoun
Let's start with the basics. Reflexive and intensive pronouns are the -self and -selves words: myself, yourself, himself, herself, itself, ourselves, yourselves, themselves. They always refer back to a noun or pronoun earlier in the sentence — that's the "reflexive" part, like a mirror reflecting the subject.
But here's where it splits. A reflexive pronoun is necessary to the sentence's meaning. On top of that, "She cut herself" — the cutting and the being-cut are the same person. The action bounces back to the doer. Remove herself* and the sentence breaks or changes meaning entirely.
An intensive pronoun (sometimes called an emphatic pronoun) is different. The pronoun just adds weight. It's there for emphasis only. " The sentence works fine without herself* — "The CEO approved the budget" is grammatically complete. Also, "The CEO herself approved the budget. It says: this specific person, not someone else, did it.
The Visual Test
If you can delete the -self word and the sentence still makes sense with the same core meaning, it's intensive. Which means if deleting it breaks the sentence or changes who did what to whom, it's reflexive. Simple test. Works every time.
Why It Matters / Why People Care
You might wonder: does anyone actually notice? In casual speech, not really. But in writing — emails, reports, articles, cover letters — it shows. Using myself* as a fancy substitute for me or I is one of the most common tells that someone's trying to sound formal and missing the mark.
"I'll send the file to John and myself" — that's wrong. Myself* isn't an object pronoun. " But people do this constantly because me feels too plain, and I feels wrong after and. The correct version: "I'll send the file to John and me.So they reach for myself* like a security blanket.
It matters because credibility leaks out in small ways. A hiring manager reading "Please contact myself with questions" might not consciously flag it, but something registers. Consider this: uncertain. In real terms, the writing feels padded. And in professional contexts, that perception sticks.
The "Politeness" Trap
There's a persistent myth that myself* sounds more polite than me. It doesn't. That's it. It sounds like you don't know how object pronouns work. "Myself" has two jobs: reflexive ("I hurt myself") and intensive ("I did it myself"). It is never, ever a substitute for me or I.
How It Works (or How to Do It)
Let's break this down by function so you can spot the difference in the wild.
Reflexive: The Action Returns
Reflexive pronouns show that the subject and object are the same entity. The verb's action reflects back.
- He taught himself guitar.
- We prepared ourselves for the worst.
- The cat cleaned itself.
In each case, remove the pronoun and the sentence collapses or means something else. That said, "He taught guitar" — taught whom? Here's the thing — "We prepared for the worst" — prepared whom? The reflexive pronoun carries essential information.
Verbs That Demand Reflexives
Some verbs require* a reflexive pronoun in standard English. You can't say "I behaved" without an object in many contexts — you "behaved yourself.Practically speaking, " Others: pride yourself, avail yourself, absent yourself, perjure yourself. * These are sometimes called "obligatorily reflexive" verbs. The pronoun isn't optional; it's part of the verb's grammar.
Intensive: The Spotlight Effect
Intensive pronouns highlight their antecedent. They're essentially saying: this one, specifically, not another.*
- The author herself signed my copy.
- I built this desk myself.
- The children made the cookies themselves.
Notice the pattern? In real terms, both positions work. The intensive pronoun usually appears right after the noun it emphasizes (appositive position) or at the end of the clause. "I myself saw it" and "I saw it myself" — same emphasis, slightly different rhythm.
The "By" Construction
A common intensive structure: by + reflexive pronoun* meaning "alone" or "without help."
- She moved the piano by herself.
- We figured it out by ourselves.
This is intensive, not reflexive. Consider this: the by phrase modifies the verb, showing manner. You're not reflecting the action back; you're highlighting independence.
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Position Tells You a Lot
Reflexive pronouns typically sit in object position — after the verb or preposition. Intensive pronouns float. They can appear:
- Right after the subject: "The manager himself called."
- At the end: "The manager called himself.In real terms, " (Wait — that one's ambiguous. Could be reflexive: he called his own phone. Context decides.)
- After the object: "I gave the manager himself a copy.
The post-subject position is the clearest intensive tell. If himself* follows manager* with commas — "The manager, himself a former engineer, understood the problem" — that's purely intensive, renaming the subject for emphasis.
Common Mistakes / What Most People Get Wrong
Mistake 1: The "Myself as Object" Error
This is the big one. Because of that, "Please send the report to myself. Worth adding: " No. Still, send it to me. "Between you and myself" — no, between you and me*. Day to day, myself* cannot function as a plain object. It needs a subject to reflect or highlight. Easy to understand, harder to ignore.
Why does this happen? Hypercorrection. Day to day, people learn "Don't say 'Me and John went'" so they over-apply I and myself* everywhere. But me is correct as an object. Always has been.
Mistake 2: Reflexive Where No Reflection Exists
"Contact myself or the manager.Practically speaking, " The subject is implied you (imperative). No match. Myself* refers to the speaker. And no reflection. Just wrong.
Mistake 3: Overusing Intensives for "Authority"
"The director himself will review it.Intensive pronouns are seasoning, not the main dish. Even so, it loses force. Every other sentence? Fine. " Once? If you underline everything, you point out nothing.
Mistake 4: Confusing "Each Other" and Reflexives
Each other* and one another* are reciprocal pronouns — two or more people doing something to each other. Themselves* is reflexive — each doing something to themselves.
- They hugged each other. (A hugs B, B hugs A)
- They hugged themselves. (A hugs A, B hugs B)
Different meanings. Don't swap them.
Mistake 5: The "His Self" / "Their Selves" Mess
Standard English: himself, themselves*. On top of that, not hisself, theirselves, theirself*. These exist in some dialects but mark writing as nonstandard.
nonstandard forms like meself and youself.**
The Real Deal: When to Actually Use These
Reflexive pronouns appear when the subject and object are the same person or thing:
- The company employs itself* through its subsidiary.
- The dog licked itself* dry.
Intensive pronouns add emphasis or apposition:
- My boss*, Mary Johnson, will be there.
- The very same committee* that approved it last year.
Reciprocal pronouns show mutual action:
- The neighbors share tools with each other*.
- Students helped one another* during the exam.
Practice Makes Perfect (Without the Awkwardness)
Instead of: "Me and the team worked hard, and we accomplished it by ourselves." Try: "We worked hard, and accomplished it together."
Instead of: "The manager himself, who himself used to be a developer, himself reviewed the code himself." Try: "The manager—formerly a developer—reviewed the code."
Instead of: "Send it to myself and John." Try: "Send it to me and John."
Why This Matters
Getting reflexives right isn't just grammar pedantry—it's communication clarity. When you overuse intensives, you sound amateurish. When you misuse myself*, you create confusion. When you master these tools, your writing gains precision and polish.
The key insight? In real terms, these pronouns aren't interchangeable decorations. Consider this: each serves a specific grammatical function. Respect that function, and your prose will be both correct and compelling.
Final takeaway: If you're not sure whether to use myself*, ask whether you're reflecting an action back to the subject (reflexive) or emphasizing something about the subject (intensive). If neither fits, reach for me or I instead. Your readers—and your reputation—will thank you.
